Sunday, October 9, 2011
This season has always been my favourite in Edmonton. The air and the colors speak of change. It has always marked the change of a new school or work year. And somehow even though the ryhtmn of summer is relaxed, there is always a glad welcoming of routine.
This autumn in particular marked the coming back into a school setting for me and a new work place. Again there is the anticaption,anxiousness, exictment and newness that follows. The scenes of nature heighten these emotions. I breath in the coolness of the wind. I see the golden colors reflected in nature and caputured in gold tints in my living room.
As with a lot of things in life, there is always the flipside of it. Change is hard. When there are so many changes to adjust to, and so much work to be done it's hard maintaing solid relationships. Many times it feels like people are not there and I fight this lie. Because I know I am surrounded by people who care. To the bus driver that stops for me everytime, to friends know something's a foot,by a quick glance at you.
There is is also that internal battle with fear. Being called upon to voice my opinion in a topic I don't like to talk about, I sweat when my name is mentioned in class. There is that fear that if I study till I drop I will fail anyways.
At this moment as the darkness comes much earlier and daylight doesn't stay too long, I know I again have to refocus. Refocus on what really matters. On my goals at this moment. Looking and living this present moment, instead of jumping into the future. I need to "get back to the heart of worship". Revisit why I do what I do. It's so easy to get side tracked. It's so easy to lose love. In our fast paced worlds we always want someone to be there fast. And so we lose trust in God. Because we want quick answers. We get easliy annoyed by loved ones. A slip in a text message or lack of, can set us on edge. A long unreturened call can make us lose trust in love, because we are blinded by our past history of failing love.
What's a girl gatta do then? Just take a breath. Live day by day. Look for the postive, be thankful, seek the heart of God because whether I like to admit it or not, I need Him more than oxygen.