In Pursuit of my Personal Legend

Saturday, June 7, 2014

To Really Live

Hitting 25, I begin to scrutinize what I have done since entering my twenties. I honestly feel like I haven't been living. I am stuck in one career all because I know how to operate within the field. Yet this has also marked me inert because I have been too lazy to work harder in the field, and even pursue an education around it. 

Laziness and fear have been ruling my life for so long. I am struggling to put an end to it. I cannot bear to walk around wondering where I will be next year. It's now or never. I must break my old habits that have let me just pass by life. I refuse to become a mere passenger of life. Instead I dare to mount my flag down, to call out my name, to argue my case and to be my own boss. 

When I went to Vancouver for my birthday, with a man I love but not the one, I looked around and soaked in Vancouver. Actually, engulfed in it as I came to the conclusion that this place gave me some form of release. I remember as a little girl how the rain helped me imagine and dream a better life for myself. I will not disappoint that little girl. 

I think of leaving Edmonton winters and staying by the ocean to watch the water and to breathe in a different air. You see, I use to tell myself that when I am done my education and get promoted in a job, I will leave Edmonton and live somewhere else. Every year that does not happen. I am also sick and tired of letting life bring around changes. What if I am the one that makes the changes?

As for education, I will achieve it. But since life has put me in a tight spot I will be flexible and chase after an online program. I can earn a living and go to school. Now all I have to do is find a job that I can actually leave work at work. In fact, what if I entered the corporate world? What am I going to lose? If, at the end of all these wild endeavours (including the move to BC) I end up broke, at least I can say I have lived the adventurous life. So what if I end up with room mates or in a close quarter bachelor suite? At least I will be able to enjoy Granville Island and the rest of the seaway.