"Lovelockdown"

I am stealing the title from Kanye West.

I knew it from the start. I could not care and love that way. First of this was all new to me. Me, the loner that I am. Afraid and suspicious of anyone that gives me a second look. Always finding fault at the beginning, to save myself the trouble later.
       
Well, when you get caught in a lovelockdown, you are locked. At first I gave it my all, knowing the idea of it blinded me to believe that I was caught in an eros moment, when really I was caught in an Augustine "in love with love" moment. My heart was thinking, "love,love,love and give people a chance." My mind said, "this can never work, your stages in life conflict. " My conscience played devil's advocate. "You open the lock, and you open up hurt, and you become the heart breaker."

In the end I managed to unlock myself, not alone though. Two people who just mere acquittance played "tough love"and pulled me back to my feet, back to reality. These two, I am ever grateful for. They made me face my fear and pushed me even though I was fiercely shaking my head no, and wanted to bolt the whole time.

The words "no man is an island" brought me to another reality zone. I keep thinking I am in this alone. When in truth many shape me and help me. And why is it that it's the passer-bys in life, that seem to know me well then the guests that always come to visit?

Lovelockdown. I think that word can go for other relationships in my life too. Until next time . . .